Currently Listening Daughtry By Daughtry Over You see related

A much needed update

Well..... I knew I was here a while ago, I just didn't really realized how long ago it was.  Things have kind of looked up for me in some respects, and not so much in others.  I finally got hired on at SIA CDC.  That happened the first week of September.  I've had a few dates since July.  Three or so with a fireman in training and a couple with a guy in Rossville. 

Most recently I've been seeing a guy from the south side of Indy.  We've been seeing each other for about a couple months whenever we're able.  I was just down there with him last weekend for 4 days, and I loved every minute of it.  I just wish I could see him more often.  My sister doesn't have any idea what it's like.  She's always complaining of missing her boyfriend, right after she's been with him.  I'm lucky right now if I get to see my guy once a month.  I'm hoping maybe sometime in January, if the weather is nice and I'm able to get a full tank of gas for the trip down there and back.  It's nothing serious, but only time will tell where we'll go from here.

A friend of mine is back home in El Paso, so I'm taking care of her cat while she's away.  It's not too bad.... She pretty much gave me free run of her apartment.  Her cat is really upset about her being away.  He's always meeting me at the door and crying.  He follows me everywhere.  It's like my cat at home.... it's funny.

We're planning a Christmas party this weekend after she comes home... and my sisters are invited.  This will be interesting.  I bought the plates, napkins and cups.... she's on her own for silverware.  Lol.  I'm really not sure what we're going to have to eat, or what we're going to use to decorate.... but we'll figure something out.  We'll have a day and a half to figure it all out and get it all done.

I'm really tired and I'm really not sure why.  I'll probably be getting off here around midnight and going home... Since I'm using her laptop right now.  It's interesting, I'll tell you.  I'm not quite use to the set up, yet when I get home, I try to use the little mouse thing that's on a laptop... when I'm using my desktop.  It's rather sad, but such is my life.

Currently Listening Yes I Am By Melissa Etheridge I'm The Only One see related

Bleh....

Well.... Perry's been here a couple days now, and he's been very rude.  Headaches that won't go away, back pain, front pain.  It's nearly impossible to sleep, and when I do, it's not worth much.  Good news is, Macy's called and asked me to cover part of a shift.  Bad news is Perry came with, and didn't make life easy.

I had lunch with Meshi, and loved every minute of it.  We talked and caught up on how things were going.  It's amazing what alcohol will do for period cramps.   

Then after work, I took Meshi home and then picked up Stephanie at her apartment.  We went to Exotic Lingerie after I filled up my truck.  He was so excited to have a full tank again, he started misbehaving.  He settled down once I told him it may be another long while before I'm able to fill him again, so he better not waste it all now.

I purchased some very cute, well, I think they're very cute nightie style outfits.  Granted, I have no one to wear them for, but I suppose it never hurts to have them.  Steph got a very sexy outfit and then picked up a couple metal signs to put in the windows of her Broncho II. 

After we got done there, we went over to Priscilla's and I bought that corset thing I've been eyeing for over a year.  It was, thank you God, still on the clearance roll rod.  So I got that and something else... but that's another story entirely.  Now I need to go back to one of the stores and buy some white stockings to wear with the corset.... if and when I ever wear it.  And some shoes.... I need to get shoes to wear with my different outfits.  But again, no one to get that pretty for.  Hehe.  -- ROFL!!   I just realized how long that particular corset has been there.  The first time I saw it, I was there with Chantal and Rach, and maybe someone else.... back when I was engaged to Brian.  That's over two years ago.  And it was the only one they had like that then, and it was the only one they had like that on the roll rod when I finally had the money to buy it.

You gotta love grandmas.  I think my pain is starting to subside now.... she let me have one of her pain pills.  I still think a long soak in very hot water, and/or a massage would help more.  But, I guess you just have to take what you can get.  And lessened pain will suffice for now.

I bought a pair of exercise pants when, in true Jen and Steph tradition, we wound up at Wal*Mart.  But I didn't get them to use for working up a sweat.  I bought them so that I would have another pair of comfortable pants to sleep in.  Go ahead and laugh if you must, but I think Matt was right.  "If you're comfortable, who gives a shit?"  In fun, I told him the fashion police would care.  We both had a good laugh at that.

My sisters are here right now... and I honestly have no idea when they arrived.  I went to bed at about 2am.... and slept till about 11.  I got up then and went to the bathroom.  Once I returned to my room, I literately fell into bed and slept till almost 4pm.  I was hoping sleep would help kill the pain, but I honestly do believe now, that the sleep made matters worse.

While at work yesterday, I was informed that on September 1, Macy's is catching up with all the other stores nation wide, and going to an "all black" dress code.  Which is just great, considering I bought everything BUT black to wear to work.  Mandy also told me that the 26, 27, and 28th of this month, we're having a "sale" for associates of 50% off so we can get our black stuff.  I may go in and get some black shirts or something, but I can't get my pants there.  The one pair I did get, was a pain to find.  And if I, myself, hadn't found it, I never would have gotten it.  It was suppose to have been pulled from the floor long before I got to it.  Steph and I looked at Wal*Mart for black pants, but we couldn't find any that would work.  So I may check out Gordman's or Target here soon and see if I can't find something that'll suffice for the few times I'll be working.

Chels, I hope you and mom are having loads of fun!!!  Let me know what your schedule looks like for the week in question and I'll see if I can't think of something I'd like to do, that's affordable for the both of us.  Dinner and a movie sounds like it would be fun to do at some point.  I'll spring for dinner.  Hehe.  Just shoot some ideas in the air and we'll see how many I can catch.

I'm off to try to.... hell, I'm just off.  I've nothing else to put here, and I've nothing that has to be done.  Man, I have such a boring life.

Hell got one call... and it called me

Someone from my past, that I would much rather forget, called me last night.  He tends to go months without contact, and honestly, that's fine by me... but then, when he decides he's bored or whatnot, he'll look through his phone to see who he hasn't talked to.  I, apparently, am the only one he doesn't talk to often.  I wonder why that is.... let's think about this for a minute or two, here....

BECAUSE I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!!

You were too forward, too pushy, and never once did I feel comfortable around you the one and only time we met.  And to top it all off, you peed on my tire.  Just because you didn't want to go to the store just a 30 second drive away, or around my truck to the grass.  The only good thing about that night was when you helped me with my flat.

I don't want to see your fights, they don't appeal to me, and never will.  I don't want to go to your place for any reason, I don't trust you.  And I don't appreciate wild waving in my direction at a stop light, when all I want to do is go home where it's warm.  I'm not rolling my windows down for anyone when it's cold enough to snow, unless I absolutely have no choice in the matter.

Maybe one day, when I'm older, your particular breed of human male will become attractive to me, on all counts.  But until then, you're not what I want.  And I'm not going to settle for less, than what I want.

Anyway.... enough of that.  Chelsie... it has been much too long.  I really hope classes are going well and I wish you the best of luck on all your papers and whatnot.  Love you, too!

Eric... things are fine.  They really are.  I've cried, I've reflected, I've turned a new page.  I'm ready to try again, and not settle for anything, or anyone, that can't return what I give out.  And, as of right now, my Public Preview thing, looks like it's suppose to.  **crosses fingers that it stays that way**

Mom... that post wasn't meant to be silly.  I'm tired of the BS.  I'm tired of being lied to, used, played, etc.  About the only part of that post that I suppose could be considered humorous, would be the part about my writing Sam, and hoping I get a letter or something in return.  But even then, it's not really funny.  I really do look forward to hearing from him.  I can't tell you why... but I've been checking the mail eagerly in hopes a reply has come.

Happy news... the letters I wrote Mark got to him.  But they tied on which got to him first.  So if I send packages, they go to one address, and if I send letters, they got to the other address.  So now I'm in the process of not only trying to figure out what to put in here to make it worth the writing, in length anyway, as well as write him another letter to send along with the address labels.  I've gotten more than I'll ever use, recently, so I figure... I can spare a few.  And they should last him a while, I don't think he'll be writing me everyday.  At least I hope not.  That would be a lot of mail, I'd never be able to reply to it all in a timely fashion.

Ok... just got something to put in here.  STEPHANIE GOT THE JOB!!!  She's going in tomorrow to give them the hours she's available to work.  She has her second interview, and gets the job the same day.  I have a second interview, and I have to wait at least two weeks to hear back from them, since the company is on a two week shut down.  **rolls eyes**  But it doesn't really matter, I suppose.  I'm still super excited for her.  

And... just as a side note, or, I suppose, a bottom note as it were, if I seem a bit testy in the next few days, blame nature.  It's close to time for Perry to stop by for a visit.  But don't worry... he'll only be here for about 4-5 days.  After that, I'll be back to the person you all know and tolerate.  Lol. 

This is Jennifer Murphy, reporting... Good day.

Currently Listening Place in the Sun By Tim McGraw Some Things Never Change see related

Revelations/Realizations/whathaveyou

I was up most of the night crying, once again.  But this time, I think it actually helped.  I had another talk with Matt, and things finally clicked.  I mean, I always knew, but now I may be able to move on.  Most of me doesn't want to, but I know I have to.  One day at a time.

Chelsie, don't be mad at him or call her names.  I'm tired of fighting.  I love him, but it's not worth the energy if I'll never get it back.   I cried, I read, I wrote.  And I feel, for the most part, that I'm ready to move on.... or at least attempt to.

I was able to talk to Tony this morning, and after jumping to many conclusions that only spelled trouble, I found out why I hadn't heard from him.  His sister is in the hospital and is not doing at all well.  He also said that his phone hasn't been working properly, and he only received one of the voice messages I had left him.  Not sure if anything will come of this online chat thing I have with him, but I suppose it doesn't really matter one way or the other.

I also spoke to Clay yesterday for a bit.  I still don't think anything "huge" is going to happen there.  I took him and Aaron off my messenger list a few days ago.  I really don't know why I still had Aaron on there.  We spoke once..... maybe, at a stretch, twice.  He was just kinda taking up space.

I never thought I would say this, but I'm actually looking forward to any reply I get from Sam.  I kinda doubt he'll have anything really pleasant to say, but at least it's something from someone that still likes me, to a degree.

Randy messaged me this morning... but I think I was still in bed.  Either that, or I was taking gma to the doctors.  I'm not entirely sure what the messages were suppose to me, but they didn't sound promising.  So, because of a very bad night, I've most likely burned that bridge without meaning to.

I do believe that at some point today, a very long, very hot shower is in order.  Maybe including my oils.  I don't know, we'll have to see.  I still have a headache from last night, and getting up early didn't help.  And of course, tired as I am, I can't seem to get back to sleep.  Unlike my cat, who is currently curled up on my bed, sound asleep.  I wish I was him, sometimes.  I also wish I had someone to hold me, instead of just hugging my bear, when I feel like this.

Oh well, such is life -- Sucky.  I'm going to sit on the couch and see if I can't find a way to muster up a nap.  Even if it's just a short one.  If nothing else, to relieve this headache that's decided to linger.

Currently Listening I Don't Need a Man By Pussycat Dolls I Don't Need A Man see related

Change

That was most definitely a change.  Mark called me tonight.  But, like most everyone else, he was bored.  I love how I am, and have been nearly my entire life, the fall back plan.  So, I talked to him for nearly two hours, mostly about how well his new relationship is and how his sex life is changing.  I was, at the same time, multitasking, and writing a letter.  Sam contacted me the other day and left his address; told me to write.  I figured what the hell.... I'm not working and I really have nothing to do.  I'll write him and see if he knows how Anna (Anna.... or is it Ana?  I don't know) and the baby are doing.  And besides, he makes it sound like I'm not the only one that likes to have something other than bills and junk come for me in the mail.  It was so funny to see PVT by his name in the address.  I've tried many times since he left to picture him in a uniform of any kind, and it just don't happen.

Bandit has decided he can't make up his mind if he's going to be sick or not.  When he's puking a lot, he doesn't sleep much. But he sleeps when he.... I give up.  Just as long as he's losing lunch on the floor and not a bed or the couch or something, I'll deal with it.

I think I'm finally getting finances under control, but I won't swear to it.  I'm with Chelsie on this one... I need a real job, that will give me hours, not just keep me on payroll to make the employee numbers look good for corporate.  Don't know if that's really what's going on, but it sure feels that way.

I feel so alone and almost...... isolated.  I know that really doesn't make sense.... I don't get it either.  I want to start working out again, but I lose motivation when I go alone.  Steph said she would go with me, but I don't know how long that'll last.  Granted, it hasn't started, but at the same time, this "workout buddy" idea never lasts long.  It's just not as fun when you go it alone.

A small "rant", if you will, on guys.  Or rather to guys. -- I am NOT looking for a guy that claims he knows what he's doing in bed.  I am NOT looking for a guy that can just do things in bed.  I am looking for a man... a man that is kind.  A man that isn't afraid to get in my face if I get in his.  A man that isn't afraid to be affectionate in public, but won't get carried away with it.  A man that has more than just "cute" in his vocabulary for use in describing me.  A man, who isn't afraid to cry, especially in front of me.  All that crap about being macho is stupid.  Don't be macho... be human.  A man that will share responsibilities with me, and not pull guilt trips on me every time I turn around.  A man that doesn't mind staying in, doesn't mind cuddling on the couch, doesn't mind being silly and goofing around.  A man that doesn't feel "unmanly" if I can out eat him at meals, or belch louder than him.  A man that is open to my ideas, no matter how silly they sound.... even if they don't work.  A man that will talk to me about what he's dealing with, instead of taking out his frustrations on me or shutting me out completely.

I know, it sounds like a lot.  And that's really only a fraction, because most I feel are common sense.  You may think you know what I, and most women, want.... but most of you, don't have a clue.  I would love to be in a relationship right now, but with the males I've encountered, it's currently not worth the BS that I would have to deal with, if I was.

As for my song choice tonight, I just like the song.  I suppose I don't need a man, but sure as hell want one.  One that fits my design... but I'm not sure such a man exists.